WE REALLY DIDN’T THINK IT
WAS GOING TO HAPPEN FOR US

In 2012 I got married and a few months later my husband and I started trying to start our family. Unfortunately, several months later we had not had any success and we were referred to a fertility clinic with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility.

We got pregnant, however, several weeks later we went in for our first scan and we found out that there was no baby. We had had a missed miscarriage. So, I had spent weeks creating memories really of this baby that actually didn’t exist, which was just devastating. And I can still see the look in my husband’s eye, and the stenographer desperately searching for something. And that was a really, really heartbreaking time for us.

At that point I think I started to unravel quite significantly. I found work really tough. I think I was mourning the loss of the pregnancies. Grief was a huge part of our lives because that’s what infertility is. I’ve gone on to have two further miscarriages. It all takes its toll. It really, really builds up. Just, I wasn’t a mother which was the one thing that I wanted at that time.

We had decided that we were done with fertility treatment. But before we made that decision completely, we went to see a private gynecologist. And he suggested that we had one more round in us. I was coming up to 40 at that point. We were really, really lucky and we got pregnant which was just incredible. We were expecting twins, however, unfortunately at about 10 weeks we had a scan and one of our twins was no longer growing. Her heartbeat had stopped. I remember saying to someone that day that I had everything that I had ever wanted because I had a baby growing inside me, but I also had a baby that wasn’t growing inside me. And having that mixture of a miscarriage, but also a healthy pregnancy was just one of the most confusing things that I’ve ever experienced.

I reached out to the community that I’m involved in on Instagram and they were incredibly supportive. We made the decision to focus on our little survivor and in June 2019 we welcomed our miracle daughter, Wren. And still now I just can’t believe it, I really, I absolutely can’t believe that she’s here. I know it doesn’t happen for everyone, and we really didn’t think that it was going to happen for us, but I’m incredibly grateful that it did.

Cat, UK (2019)

The videos and stories shared here are personal and do not constitute medical advice.

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